it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
