dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
