I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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