I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
