He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
