I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
