Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
