yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
