this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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