Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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