my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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