you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
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I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize