At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
from now on my penis is your penis
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
