Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
