were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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