anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
