If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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