My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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