By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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