I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
