we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
