I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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