I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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