Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
