we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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