New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
