I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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