My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
