I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
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omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
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If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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