I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
