Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize