Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
