yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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