he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
