Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
