At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
