are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
