I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
