I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
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Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
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This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize