i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
