Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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