No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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