I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
