my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
