your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
