I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
