apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
