He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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