Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
