there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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