At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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