I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
