And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
