Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
