also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
