Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
