This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how drunk are you?
Several
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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