his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
