carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
