he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
