Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
