shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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