I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
