last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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