marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
