"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
