I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
