So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I AM VODKA MAN
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
