2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
