Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
