I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
