im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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