If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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